She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
