in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Is it because I queefed?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
