Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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