He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize