I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
