I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
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