so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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