ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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