I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
