Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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