I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
