The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
