if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
