I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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