lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
