This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i love accidental penises.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
