I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
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