Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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