And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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