Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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