C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Dear god my vagina.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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