I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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