Got a toothbrush?
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
tell me about the eggs
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
