We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
My butt remains clenched, sir.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
