I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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