my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
