I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
