Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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