He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
