It's like God shit irony all over that family
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
