yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
