I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
