Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
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