so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
