she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
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