You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
