we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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