I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
