Just took my morning after pill in the library
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
