Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
