New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
my liver is dry heaving
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