i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
