Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
