Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I just had sex on a roof
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
