Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize