I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
