Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I'm always down for nudity.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
