Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
she smelled like a LAN party
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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