your parents love me but you hate me
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
