Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
