if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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