Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
