I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
