I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I wannas sexs uuuuu
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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