Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
