if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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