uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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