I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
