I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
