My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
