The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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