Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
