Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
