I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
