you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Randomize
