Please, let me fuck your mom
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Of course I have a pirate flag
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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