just come out here and I will go home with you...
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Your penis caused this!
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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