I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
