Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
