just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
